It's funny whenever I approach the street corner at home. I'm half running just to get there and I'm noticing all of the public transport passing by. They're all good rides, airconditioned, the rides that I need to get to my next one. But once I get to the corner, they're all gone! Why is it like that? Do they know that I'm coming that's why they hurry? Is there someone who tells them that I need a ride and they scurry away from me? After they've all passed me by, I find myself standing there for at least 20 minutes or so until I finaly decide to take a non-airconditioned ride. I go through the early morning smog from the mountains, not to mention the dust and grime that might cling on to my clothes. Forty minutes later I'm getting off feeling like garbage. I'm taking my next ride but since it took me so long to get here, I'm stuck in a line three blocks long. I start to sweat under the heat of the not-so-early morning sun. Another forty minutes later, I FINALY get my ride to work. I get up at 5:30am every day just to get to work three and a half hours later. Pretty taxing if you ask me.

I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell. I know, right now you can't tell.
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see,
A different side of me.
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired. I know, right now you don't care.
But soon enough you're gonna think of me,
And how I used to be...

It's from Matchbox 20. Right on the money..

Rest Assured

I took a day off from work today. I just felt really tired these past few days and I figured I needed some rest. Many people nowadays take resting forgranted. They sometimes feel that they can go on working in the day and partying until late into the night not needing to recharge their batteries. Sooner or later you'll face burnout. Lack of rest will soon take its toll on a person. Your immune system will weaken. You tend to be grumpy. Your mind tends to lack focus. Most of all, you're always feeling really sleepy. I usually find myself falling asleep during the first few minutes of the trip when I commute. I almost overshoot where I'm supposed to get off. I'm liable to wake up and find myself in a different place if I'm not careful. I sometimes stare blankly on my computer screen and feel myself drifting. If my boss sees me like that, that wouldn't look good for my record. That's the reason I take days off like this on my own volition, it's my reset button. It's a time to unwind, to relax, to rest. And today, I'm doing just that.

On my way to work today, I get to hear my first Christmas song for the year on the radio. "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus". I hear it and I say to myself, "Geez, it's Christmas." There's a certain sadness that hits me like a thunderbolt whenever I hear Christmas songs. It brings me back to the time when I was a kid. My folks always gave me the best that they could. While every other kid had that convertible die-cast robot that they wanted, I had a plastic imitation. While everyone else was buying stuff, I was just looking on. I'm not saying that I never got anything good whenever Christmas came around. Christmas songs just bring me back to that time, our old house, my cousins, all of us kids. At my age I get to thinking that that's what Christmas is, just for kids. The other kids.

Life is like a game of Magic. Sometimes you tend to breeze through it like running a super-charged affinity deck, getting everything right, having things go your way and having all the goodies you want in the palm of your hand. No problems. But then sometimes (pronounced as most of the time) you get a bad opening hand, with nothing likable and leaving you no room for a mulligan. Without a choice you play through it, struggling and struggling hard just to end up getting beaten, thrown around and frustrated. Unfortunately, changing lives isn’t as easy as changing decks.

Today I went job hunting. Not in a way like going around physically but via the web. Isn't that cool! Anyway, it's been a while since I've looked around for new vacancies. Working where I'm at is getting a bit hard nowadays with everybody leaving all. I guess I'll join the bandwagon. Not that I never tried before everyone started to leave. It's just that times are really tough when it comes to looking for a job better than what you have now. It's a risk, a gamble whether to leave for hopefully greener pasteurs or stay where you are, as you are: employed. We'll, I'll just wait and see who's going to respond to all those that I've tried to send my CV to. Until that time, I'm stuck here with little money, and little moral.

It's sad not knowing what's going to happen to your life. Uncertainty is a difficult thing to cope with. You win some, you lose more. Trying your best sometimes just does not cut it. Well most of the time.. It’s a matter of priorities they say. Unconcerned, I am not.

I played billiards with the guys at the office today. It was in a place where you can have lunch and shoot pool at the same time. The food wasn't too bad but it wasn't that good either (I think it wasn't supposed to taste like that). I played a few games and got myself kicked around most of the ordeal. It's a game of skill, chance and physics. Maybe I'll play again sometime.

Welcome to My Spot!

There have been a lot of Internet activities here lately. We've got site browsing, web-based email, chat and now I find myself trying out this blog! Please bear with my thoughts and emotions posted here. I hope you enjoy in the process.